- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
- It's harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.
- Kidnappers are not very interested in you.
- No one expects you to run into a burning building.
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- You can live without *** but not without your glasses.
- You can't remember the time you last laid on the floor to watch television.
- You got cable for the weather channel.
- You have a party and the neighbors don't even realize it.
- You sing along with the elevator music.
- You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.
- You talk about good grass and you're referring to someone's lawn.
- Your back goes out more than you do.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember either.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
- People send you this list . . .