Family History - Genealogy Jokes Wanted

[admin]

To all out FHUK community members:

We have all heard or seen some hilarious (clean) genealogy / family history humorous type jokes.

On the main site we have a section for this and need more of these type of jokes - and to help us all have a laugh between our research.

So please submit your finds here,

Many thanks people

 

[admin]

Heres one to get the thread rolling:

1852 NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTIONS SOLVE GENEALOGICAL MYSTERIES.

It is New Year's Eve 1852 and Henry HYDENWELL sits at his desk by
candlelight. He dips his quill pen in ink and begins to write his New
Year's resolutions.

1. No man is truly well-educated unless he learns to spell his name
at least three different ways within the same document. I resolve to
give the appearance of being extremely well-educated in the coming
year.

2. I resolve to see to it that all of my children will have the same
names that my ancestors have used for six generations in a row.

3. My age is no one's business but my own. I hereby resolve to never
list the same age or birth year twice on any document.

4. I resolve to have each of my children baptized in a different
church--either in a different faith or in a different parish. Every
third child will not be baptized at all or will be baptized by an
itinerant minister who keeps no records.

5. I resolve to move to a new town, new county, or new state at least
once every ten years--just before those pesky enumerators come around
asking silly questions.

6. I will make every attempt to reside in counties and towns where no
vital records are maintained or where the courthouse burns down every
few years.

7. I resolve to join an obscure religious cult that does not believe
in record keeping or in participating in military service.

8. When the tax collector comes to my door, I'll loan him my pen,
which has been dipped in rapidly fading blue ink.

9. I resolve that if my beloved wife Mary should die, I will marry
another Mary.

10. I resolve not to make a will. Who needs to spend money on a
lawyer?

 

[britannia]

here goes - By the way, no offence to any Irish:
The Mile Marker
Three Irishmen, Paddy, Sean and Shamus, were stumbling home late one night and found themselves on the road which led past the old graveyard.

"Come have a look over here", says Paddy, "It's Michael O'Grady's grave, God bless his soul, he lived to the ripe old age of 87."

"That's nothing", says Sean, "here's one named Patrick O'Toole. It says here that he was 95 when he died."

Just then, Shamus yells out, "But here's a fella that died when he was 145 years old!"

"What was his name?" asks Paddy.

Shamus lights a match to see what else is written on the stone marker, and exclaims, "Miles from Dublin."

Cheers,
Brit

 

[juliejtp]

These are copies of actual correspondence received by the Family History Department.
Our 2nd great grandfather was found dead crossing the plains in the library.
He was married 3 times in the endowment house and has 21 children.
He and his daughter are listed as not being born.
I would like to find out if I have any living relatives or dead relatives or ancestors in my family.
Will you send me a list of all the Dripps in your library?
My Grandfather died at the age of 3.
We are sending you 5 children in a separate envelope.
Documentation: Family Bible in possession of Aunt Merle until the tornado hit Topeka, Kansas. Now only the Good Lord knows where it is.
The wife of #22 could not be found. Somebody suggested that she might have been stillborn - what do you think?
I am mailing you my aunt and uncle and 3 of their children.
Enclosed please find my Grandmother. I have worked on her for 30 years without success. Now see what you can do!
I have a hard time finding myself in London. If I were there I was very small and cannot be found.
This family had 7 nephews that I am unable to find. If you know who they are, please add them to the list.
We lost our Grandmother, will you please send us a copy?
Will you please send me the name of my first wife? I have forgotten her name.
A 14-year-old boy wrote: "I do not want you to do my research for me. Will you please send me all of the material on the Welch line, in the US, England and Scotland countries? I will do the research."

Julie

 

[juliejtp]

I am my own grandpa!
Many many years ago when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.
This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed.
This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife.
To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.
My little baby then became a brother-in-law to dad and so became my Uncle,
Though it made me very sad.
For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my step-mother.
Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son.
My wife is now my mother's mother and it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife, she's my grandmother too.
If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it, it simply drives me wild.
For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!

Julie

 

[Kinshar]

GENEALOGIST STEW
Take 1 Curious Beginner
Add 1 Age Discrepancy
1 Unreadable Microfiche
1 Census Record written in "Disappearing ink" Fold in
1 ton of correspondence and simmer While awaiting answers to queries ..... And that my friends, is enough to make any Genealogist Stew. Author Unknown