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Rudeness and assertiveness.

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DaveHam9

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#21
I think members who don't bother to thank those who have spent time doing look ups should receive an infraction. Even if the material found was not new at least they tried and spent their time looking. That should at least get a "Thanks for looking" in return.
 
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#22
Having experienced all other Family History forums online FHUK would have to be No. 1.
I find the best option to take if you come across anyone being rude is: DON’T REPLY TO THEM, DON’T HELP THEM AGAIN.
There are a few posts I find irritating, boring, repetitive, mundane and you’ve got to be joking me, but now I SIMPLY DON’T READ THEM.
The rude, annoying, offensive people will eventually leave, hopefully to the RC paranoid forum we’re they belong.
Keep up the good work mods, I love a good laugh first thing in the morning reading the funny/chat forum.

cheers
crankypants (my real name)
 

benny1982

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#23
I know a few forums where mods seem to defend regular posters to the hilt against newer members if a new member disagrees with a regular poster. This never happens on here though.
 
#24
One person's assertiveness is another's rudeness.

The internet forms a centre for customs and cultures to meet.
The customs of one culture may offend those from another culture.
In the same way people of one age group may be offended by people of another age group as politeness changes with age.

I for instance was taught that any word could be used as a swear-word depending on the way or manner it was used.
I find the expression d*m as offensive if not more offensive as the word dam because not only does the user use the word or expression but insults my intelligence by suggesting I do not understand the expression.
In the same way I am offended by people who do not show the common courtesy of using their correct names on the forum.
That says to me they do not trust me with their name.
You see it is very easy to remark about rudeness.
I suggest we all set our own standards of what is acceptable in decent society and acknowledge that others may not attain, or may exceed our own standards.
Cheers
Guy
I find that what we say in Australia [we are very broad minded] is not acceptable in SOME other parts of the world but which words?.

So does that mean we have to learn all of the worlds cultures or do we become NARROW MINDED and easily offended like some.

This does not necessarily mean we are being rude but what our culture has conditioned us too, that culture came from English convicts and has been passed on from one generation to the next.

Other Cultures conditioned their peoples minds too, that does not make them right nor make our culture right, it's matter of making allowances and understanding for other Nationality's.

I imagine Westerners offend the polite Japanese often and unintentially.

If anyone with a narrow mind should visit Australia, then don't visit the outback in places like Alice Springs, Kalgoorlie, Charters Towers or Burke,
I even find them embarrising, every 2nd word is swear word and sometimes from the ladies.

So it's all about culture and acceptance.

A word in Australia "bludger" does not have the same meaning as it does in England, it means lazy here, so i came a 'gutser' on this forum by calling someone a 'bludger' unwittingly.

There are mods everywhere that that try to force THEIR OPINIONS on others without taking this into account, and their conditioning may not have been the best, so what makes them a good judge?.

Oz Steve.
 
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tranquil9903

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#27
Hi,just reading everyones posts,and would like to give an opinion. This is my 1st time on a site where I have chatted with others(too much nonsense online nowadays).This site reminds me of a big,Happy family .It is very welcoming, friendly and helpful.As to rudeness,etc. ,what difference does a minute or two make to check to see if something is acceptable on this site?I can't see anyone having a problem with info given-someone tried to help,if they couldn't,so what-you're no further behind.I have to go, so -THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HELPED/TRIED TO HELP ME, Joslyn.
 

MudgeeClarke

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#28
Amazing what a kind word can do. And it's 'paying it forward'. Sooner or later, the good karma will visit.

This site is a calm oasis when you compare it with the über-kommados running a couple of sites I have used. Some remind me of visiting a library for research and being attacked by the librarian for not sitting correctly upright in my chair while reading. It worked when I was eight. Never since.

And some, "there's no reason for it, it's just our policy". LOL

Cheers, all. Good job, all the people in red ink. (Maybe there's a more soothing colour, though ??)

:D
 
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#29
Hi
I spend a lot of my spare time searching the records for posters missing relatives. I do it because I want to, as a hobby, and get satisfaction from it, especially when I am successful. If someone does not thank me, it does not stop me looking for more. Maybe a little hurt that the poster does not seem to appreciate the time involved, but then I think of my Sister in Law. She is a lovely person, but her abilities have been somewhat reduced by the effects of a stroke. She has made great strides in her ability, helped in a big way by her searching for her family tree, and that of her friends. She would not thank me, and I understand why. Her hand does not always do what her brain is telling her, and she is sometimes very difficult to understand. Proof reading her work is a challenge, but after 2 or 3 reprints we usually get there.
I know there are people out there who think that everything is theirs as a right, but there are many, like my Sister in Law, who do appreciate help, but for one reason or another, are not quite able to express this.

dave
 

JMR

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#30
Hi
I spend a lot of my spare time searching the records for posters missing relatives. I do it because I want to, as a hobby, and get satisfaction from it, especially when I am successful. If someone does not thank me, it does not stop me looking for more. Maybe a little hurt that the poster does not seem to appreciate the time involved, but then I think of my Sister in Law. She is a lovely person, but her abilities have been somewhat reduced by the effects of a stroke. She has made great strides in her ability, helped in a big way by her searching for her family tree, and that of her friends. She would not thank me, and I understand why. Her hand does not always do what her brain is telling her, and she is sometimes very difficult to understand. Proof reading her work is a challenge, but after 2 or 3 reprints we usually get there.
I know there are people out there who think that everything is theirs as a right, but there are many, like my Sister in Law, who do appreciate help, but for one reason or another, are not quite able to express this.

dave
So true Dave and and a good reminder that other's are sometime less able, but appreciative in their own way. I have an elderly second cousin who loves help with family history, but some days technology gets the better of her, a computer virus, a sticking keyboard, the internet just being down, etc. she would never mean to be rude by nor replying, but is at the mercy of people stopping by who know how to get her going on her computer again!

Sometimes we just have to be happy with cyber thanks!

Cheers,
Jill
 

benny1982

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#31
I think people who like to say cruel jokes at someone are rude such as jokes that are about someones slight facial defect or sexuality or *** life. If the person takes offence then I am not surprised. It is only a joke if the recipient finds it funny.
 

Ellie

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#32
Yeah I agree Ben, especially jokes about afflictions but also jokes about dead people- they're usually in bad taste and the person obviously can't defend themselves- just not funny..Neither are jokes in bad taste about religion/spirituality for that matter.
 

Ellie

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#34
I think most people can relate to that. It's sad that some people have to amuse themselves by making fun of someone else.

Equally, I've encountered people who resort to childish personal comments in order to make themselves appear "big" :eek::rolleyes:. It only demonstrates that they are quite pathetic.Such a shame.
 

benny1982

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#35
They say they are "only joking" but they may me saying it to make themselves feel better and get their rocks off by getting to others.
 

Ellie

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#36
I know, but what they see as a joke can really hurt some people, especially if they're not very confident and then it takes a very long time to build up self esteem again, if they can.:(
 

benny1982

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#37
I think underneath these people are lacking in self esteem some ways and have an inferiority complex and have to try and feel better by running others down who let things get to them.
 
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#38
I agree there is no need for rudeness or abuse. However there is room for healthy debate and if a subject is contentious then some people may be offended by the strong views of others. In areas of politics and religion this is often the case but there is nothing wrong in this providing it is done in a civil manner. Once a debate descends into insult then the argument is lost.
So welcome to healthy debate and shut the door on mindless abuse O0
 

benny1982

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#39
And it is easy for someone to be rude behind a computer screen, things they would not say in person.

And these people lack the life they are always telling others to go out and get.
 
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#40
Yay to all of you!! You are all sooooo right. I have an issue at work where a small group of people like to make fun of client surnames - even less appropriate given the maiden name of one of the perpetrators. And it has spread to making fun of other staff members. It is seen as a bit of harmless fun, but it is intrinsically disrespectful and will end in tears, I suspect. It is only a short step from there to making fun of other characteristics.

Surely our diversity needs to be celebrated - this is what makes us interesting.

Kind regards to you all.
Amanda
 
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