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Salmonela Sams.


New member
Loyal Member
While driving today in Portsmouth i decided to give the snack bar a chance..two fellas in front of me were getting served and all of a sudden an artic lorry pulled up covering us all in dust...afrer spluttering and chokin we then saw him...THE MONSTER emerged from the seettling dust haze..he walked towards us like an oversized Clint Eastwood with fat porky hands rubbing together,,his fingers were like cumberland bangers..d,ya mind if i push in chaps as cant park the lorry write,he growled..yeh,yeh no probs fella i said like a grovelling weasil..i was so worried i nearly asked him if he wanted me to buy him Brekky...the lad in front was a bit miffed i could sense....anyway the old lady in the counter wasnt exactly Linford Christie in the speed stakes and said monster was getting really miffed at the time she was taking..i was getting stressed,watching fella in front getting stressed.....and then it happened,old lady was just handing the bacon roll(it was squeeling still) to the monster when in slow motion the bacon rolled out onto the dusty carpet...what the **** said monster..what d,dya think your playing at he barked at Mrs Salmonella....with that she started crying...the fella in front of me lept to her defence...leave her alone you bully he shouted at the monster..then all hell let loose..the monster surged forward and little fella in front of me threw a left that caught sed monster right on the nose..anyway by now the ol ladys son was back,,,,now big wasnt the word..he made the monster look like Tom Thumb!..he picked him up by the scruff and squrted red sauce in his face....the monster made off sharpish into the Portsmouth night..and old lady composed herself,brushed herself down and looked at fella in front of me and says...what can i get you sir....without batting an eyelid the brave fella says....just a bag o cheese and onion please..her face was a picture and as i shuffled off without ordering i reflected on my sparky 10 mins at Salmonella Sams.